


Charlie Kelly, Cat Enthusiast

by notastranger



Series: The Adventures of Charlie and Scientist [7]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Cat Ears, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Pet Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-04-04 01:12:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4120854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notastranger/pseuds/notastranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An unsavory habit from Charlie's past re-surfaces. Scientist suggests a healthier way that Charlie can get in touch with his inner cat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Charlie Kelly, Cat Enthusiast

Returning home after a long day at work, Scientist did not expect Charlie to be in their apartment, let alone putting away various foodstuffs in the kitchen. “Hey, Doc,” he smiled, big and bright, and Scientist felt the stress of the evening commute melt away. “How was class?”

“The usual,” Scientist replied, stepping up to the small eat-in table that was currently littered with evidence of a recent grocery run. “I thought you were working at Paddy’s tonight.”

Charlie shrugged dismissively before grabbing a handful of spaghetti packages and stuffing them into an open cabinet. “Dennis took my shift because he’s really into some girl who has a thing for bartenders. I came home to make dinner but we were out of a couple things, so I grabbed your list off the fridge and went to ShopRite.”

Scientist blinked. “You took the shopping list with you?”

“Yep!” Charlie paused for a moment to admire his own initiative before giving his beard a pensive scratch. “I got everything the list except some word that started with a Q. I couldn’t find that anywhere.”

“Quinoa?” Scientist asked, still surprised that Charlie went food shopping at all, let alone used a list.

Charlie made a face. “If it’s called ‘kin-wah’, then why doesn’t it start with a K?” He emptied out the rest of a grocery bag onto a nearby counter. “Oh, and I got you a box of those British biscuit-cookie things. The chocolate ones. They weren’t on the list but I know you really like them.”

“I do,” Scientist said warmly, skirting the edge of the table so he could take Charlie’s hand and show the other man his gratitude. “That was very thoughtful of you, Charlie. The biscuits _and_ the grocery shopping. Thank you.” 

Charlie smiled bashfully, ducking his head at the praise; Scientist leaned down and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. The aftertaste, unfortunately, was less than pleasant. 

“Have you been eating something funny?” Scientist meant to sound teasing — everyone suffered from bad breath on occasion — but Charlie’s gaze dropped like a stone and Scientist felt bad for poking fun. “Sorry, darling. Here, let me clear off the table for you.” He gathered up the paper grocery bags into a neat stack and turned to put them into the recycling bin.

That’s when he caught sight of an empty cat food tin in the garbage. “Charlie… what’s this?”

“What’s what?” Charlie asked evasively, his gaze still on the ground.

Scientist set down the bags and walked up to the other man. “Charlie,” he said quietly, trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice. “Were you eating cat food?”

“I wasn’t—“ Charlie started to deny, then seemed to think better of it. He looked up at Scientist with a nervous, helpless smile. “It was on sale?”

Scientist sighed. “We’ve talked about this, Charlie. We don’t eat things that aren’t food.”

Charlie frowned, squirming a bit under Scientist’s gentle incrimination. “It’s not like that time I ate stickers, man. It’s food.”

“Food for _cats_ ,” Scientist corrected. “Their nutritional needs are different from ours.”

“Well, it didn’t make me sick, so—“

“It has no place in a healthy human’s diet.” Charlie’s frown deepened and Scientist felt himself growing frustrated. “Charlie. I don’t want you eating cat food. Do you understand?”

“Fine,” Charlie muttered. “If it’s that fucking important to you.”

“It’s not about me, it’s about you taking good care of yourself.” He tried to meet Charlie’s gaze but the man stubbornly refused to look at him. “I would also like you to brush your teeth, please. I’ll put the rest of the groceries away and start on dinner.”

Charlie shoved his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and left the room without another word.

~*~

It wasn’t like Charlie to hold onto a bad mood, but the man barely said anything to Scientist all through dinner. He did the dishes as usual, but when it came time to settle on the couch and read, Charlie did not cuddle close. 

Scientist was determined to wait it out, at first, but not having Charlie curled up against him was taking its toll. “Charlie?” he said tentatively. “Can we talk about why you’re upset?”

“I’m not upset, dude. I’m fine.” Charlie didn’t look up from his book.

“Are you still angry that I told you not to eat cat food?”

Charlie bit his lip but kept his eyes firmly on the words that he was obviously not reading.

“Is it something else?” Scientist asked, his voice small.

Charlie looked up, then — sullen, at first, but his expression softened as soon as he saw the worry on Scientist’s face. “I don’t know, man. I just — I feel like you’re judging me or putting me down for something I used to do a lot and it makes me feel bad.”

Scientist shook his head. “I’m not judging you, Charlie. You’ve done what you’ve needed to in the past to survive, which I’m sure includes eating cat food. But you don’t need to do that anymore, just like you don’t need to huff anymore or drink to excess.”

“Yeah, but— but I huffed and drank so I’d forget about all the shit I was going through. That’s not why I eat cat food.”

“So why do you then?” Scientist asked as kindly as he could, but Charlie just groaned and put his head in his hands.

“I can’t talk to you about that, man! That’s not something boyfriends talk about, you’re gonna think I’m a freak or— or from Saturn or something.”

Scientist placed a hand on Charlie’s back and rubbed gently. “I would never think such a thing,” he said reassuringly. Charlie only groaned louder. “Would it help if we talked about it as men of science instead?”

Charlie lifted up his head, eyes wary, but Scientist knew that he couldn’t resist a good science discussion.”Okay…”

Scientist set his book aside and then turned to Charlie with an expression he generally reserved for the classroom. “Now then, Mister Kelly. Why do you think it is that you indulge in cat food? Please be as specific as you can.”

Charlie took a moment to gather his thoughts, his eyebrows pinched together in concentration, his hands nervously fiddling with his book before putting it on the coffee table. “Alright, well. It’s not for the taste, I know it tastes gross. But I feel better when I eat it. It reminds me of the cats that hung out outside the apartment I shared with Frank. This lady in our building used to leave open cans of cat food by the dumpster for them, so the cats always smelled like it…” He took a deep breath, not quite looking at Scientist as he continued. “I used to watch the cats sometimes and I thought, y’know, wouldn’t it be great to be a cat for a change? To eat free food, to go wherever you wanted, to— to have someone pet you, but only if you decided that person was okay…”

Scientist felt his heart break a little at the explanation. “I see,” he said quietly, wishing he hadn’t been so cross earlier.

“And, like, it’s not like I was planning to buy cat food today, but there was a huge display of it near the check-out lane and I remembered how good I felt while eating it…” Charlie looked up at Scientist anxiously, voice cracking a little, “Dee’s therapist thought I was crazy when I tried to explain it to her—“

“Charlie—“

“The pigeon probably didn’t help, either, but—“

Scientist took both of Charlie’s hands to get him to focus. “Charlie. You aren’t crazy.” Charlie shook his head but Scientist pressed on, undeterred. “It is perfectly normal to form strong emotional associations with a specific smell. It’s how we’re wired.”

Charlie mulled over this bit of information. “Are you sure?”

Scientist answered wryly, “I covered the olfactory system in lecture this very evening. I’m sure.”

“And you don’t think I’m a freak for the… the cat thing?”

Scientist looked at Charlie tenderly. “Not at all.”

Charlie’s gaze dropped to their joined hands. “Is that your opinion as a scientist or as my boyfriend?”

Scientist flashed a quick grin. “Both.”

Charlie’s smile dissolved the little ball of tension that had been sitting in Scientist’s gut all evening. “Thanks, Doc.” 

“But you don’t need to eat cat food to experience those sorts of feelings. Is there anything else you associate with the cats from your old apartment building?”

Charlie frowned thoughtfully. “Like… their fur, maybe? I tried that once but I couldn’t get it to stay on my neck.”

Scientist gave Charlie a quizzical look before leaning in and kissing his forehead. “Let me get my computer. I want to show you something.”

~*~

Back on the couch with the laptop cradled between them, Charlie looked over the results of Scientist’s methodical online search. It was a website with plenty of images and easy-to-read explanations, but it was understandably still taking him a while to fully grasp the concept.

“Wow. So this is a thing? People dressing up like cats?” Charlie cuddled closer to get a better look at the screen and Scientist automatically lifted an arm to wrap around him. 

“Yes. But more importantly, being treated as one by their partner. Everything is negotiated beforehand so you can simply enjoy yourself while you’re pretending.”

“Huh.” Charlie scrolled down a little, Scientist holding the laptop steady with his free hand. “How come you know about pet play, Doc? Have you done this before?”

Scientist shook his head hurriedly. “No, never.”

“It’s just that you seem to know a lot about it.” Charlie pointed at the screen. “If I tried to search for people dressing up like cats on Google, who knows what I’d end up with. Creepy porn, probably. Or that Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. How’d you even know what to look for?”

Scientist tried to think of a simple answer — a reference in a pop psychology article, perhaps, or something he had seen on the telly — but the words stuck in his throat. “That’s— not quite so easy for me to explain.”

Charlie turned his complete attention to Scientist, a smirk on his face. “You definitely need to tell me, dude. I spilled my guts, now it’s your turn.”

Scientist rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “If you’re expecting some sort of risqué story from my past, you’re about to be disappointed.”

“Blah, blah, all I hear is you stalling. C’mon, tell me.”

“All right.” Scientist settled a bit against the couch cushions, careful not to jostle the laptop. “As you know, it’s rare for me to feel sexual attraction. I went through long periods of time not dating anyone, and even when I did…” He sighed with regret at the years spent worrying about such things. “It bothered me quite a bit when I was younger. I spent a lot of time reading up on all sorts of kinks and fetishes, hoping I’d find something that appealed to me and would make me feel less alone.”

He had expected Charlie’s attention to wander during his mundane explanation, but instead the other man was watching him with wide eyes. “Did you?” he asked anxiously. “Find something?”

“No.” Scientist placed a featherlight kiss on the other man’s cheek. “It turns out I didn’t need to find the right lifestyle. Just the right person.”

It wasn’t often that Charlie blushed, but there was no mistaking the rosy hue that blossomed on the smaller man’s cheeks before he hid his face in the crook of Scientist’s neck. “Doc…”

Scientist smiled and allowed himself a brief cuddle before tapping Charlie’s thigh and drawing his attention back to the laptop. “Is this something you are interested in trying?”

“…yeah. Yes.” He looked up at Scientist cautiously. “And you’re cool with doing this for me?”

“Of course.” Scientist squeezed him reassuringly.  

Charlie let out a long breath and relaxed in Scientist’s arms. “Okay. It’s better than eating cat food, I guess.”

“Much better,” Scientist agreed. “You’ll be able to experience the benefits of being a cat without the unpleasantries.” 

Charlie smiled at the thought, his natural exuberance returning. “I know plenty about cats, too. This’ll be super easy.”

“Should we start making a list of what to purchase? A pair of cat ears, perhaps?”

“Yeah,” Charlie nodded eagerly. “And a tail. But only if its classy.”

Scientist chuckled softly and opened a new tab on his web browser. 

~*~

The apartment was dark when Scientist entered. “Charlie?” he called out as he hung up his coat and slipped out of his shoes.

Not receiving a response, he headed towards the bedroom. Curled up on the bed and sleeping in a fading patch of late-afternoon light was his boyfriend. It wasn’t the first time Scientist came home to a snoozing Charlie, but he was quick to notice the cat ears, the same color as the faded gray t-shirt and sweatpants he was also wearing.

Scientist sat down on the edge of the bed; Charlie cracked open an eye and made an inquisitive sound before yawning and stretching out his body. “Sleep well?” Scientist asked fondly, running a hand through Charlie’s hair and scratching gently.

Charlie rubbed against Scientist and made his best approximation of a purr.

“I missed you,” Scientist murmured, scratching along Charlie’s hairline, the scruff of his beard, down his back. “My sweet Charlie. Such a long day without you.” Charlie head-butted his free hand and Scientist laughed. “I see you missed me, too.” He petted Charlie for several minutes, the other man rumbling like a car engine. “I need to grade some papers,” Scientist said, not sure how much Charlie would pretend to understand. “Come with me, darling?”

Charlie meowed plaintively when Scientist stopped petting him, but did not follow when Scientist got off the bed and headed to the door.

“Come on, Charlie,” he pleaded sweetly, but Charlie just sniffed and ignored him.

Scientist suppressed a chuckle. “Suit yourself,” he said, and left the room. He really did have papers to grade, which was unfortunate, but it would only take him until dinnertime, and then Charlie would have his full attention again.

It turned out that Charlie did not want to wait that long. Shortly before six, he padded into the living room (on two legs instead of on hands and knees — Charlie was not willing to hurt himself for authenticity) and flopped onto the couch next to Scientist.

“Hello, darling.” Scientist patted Charlie’s flank affectionately. “I’m nearly done with this, then we can eat.”

Charlie made a sound halfway between a whine and a meow.

“Nearly done,” Scientist repeated distractedly, marking up the paper before him with a red pen.

Charlie scooted himself into Scientist’s side, closer and closer, until he was draped over the man’s back, his chin digging into Scientist’s shoulder.

“Meow,” Charlie said into Scientist’s ear.

“You’re a cheeky one, aren’t you?” He giggled as Charlie nuzzled into a ticklish spot on his neck. “All right, all right. I’ll finish this later.” He set down his pen and rewarded Charlie’s persistence with a good head scratch. “Shall I make dinner now?”

Charlie kept his expression blank, but he did sit back so Scientist could get up. He followed the taller man into the kitchen, and Scientist was grateful that he simply sat at the table instead of getting underfoot while dinner was prepared — salmon with mashed potatoes and green beans.

Scientist plated enough for two on one large plate and set it on the table. “Goodness, look at all this food,” he said in amusement as he sat in front of it. “I don’t think I can finish all of this.” 

He looked over at Charlie, who was staring at the food, doe-eyed. “Would you like some, sweetheart?” He flaked off a bit of salmon with a fork and set it in front of Charlie on a clean placemat.

Charlie nosed it unenthusiastically. 

“Aren’t you hungry, darling?” Scientist stroked the back of Charlie’s head. “It’s such a special treat to have you at the table with me, isn’t it? What can I do to make it more pleasant for you?”

Charlie looked at the fork, then up at Scientist pointedly.

Scientist speared the bit of salmon with his fork and held it up. Charlie brightened immediately, opening his mouth and letting Scientist feed him, licking his lips afterwards and looking pleased.

“More?” Scientist asked, feeding him another bite. They cleaned the plate this way, Scientist alternating forkfuls between him and Charlie. He couldn’t imagine feeding a real cat this way, but it was such pleasure to watch Charlie daintily swallow each mouthful. Charlie seemed to be enjoying himself, too, even eating all his string beans without complaint.

Once dinner was over, Scientist spared a moment to do the dishes, shooing Charlie out of the kitchen lest the man feel compelled to end the scene and help. The night was young and Scientist had plans.

When he entered the living room, Charlie was sitting on his haunches and staring intently at Armitage running in his wheel. “Charlie,” Scientist said, but Charlie paid him no mind.

Scientist went into the bedroom and retrieved a small box from the closet. Inside were an assortment of cat toys he had ordered online. Not sure where to start, he picked up a small plastic ball with a bell inside and gave it a tentative shake.

Charlie barreled into the room and jumped onto the bed. 

Scientist laughed and tossed the ball to Charlie, who grabbed it and shook it like he was trying to find the source of the noise. “What else do we have here, hmm?” Scientist dug through the toys. There were feathers on a string, a colorful ribbon, a small weasel-y thing that squeaked. There were no mice or rats at Charlie’s request, out of respect for Armitage.

Charlie cried out suddenly, a sad caterwaul, and Scientist looked up see him pawing at the headboard and peering sadly at the narrow space behind it.

“Did you lose your toy already?” Scientist asked. He waved the feather on the string invitingly. “Come here, we can play with this.” It felt a little silly, offering a grown man a cat toy, but Scientist wasn’t about to let Charlie down.

Loss of the jingly ball forgotten (Scientist made a mental note to fetch it later), Charlie tried to grab the feather instead, only for Scientist to snap it out of reach at the last moment.

But this toy did not hold his interest for long, nor did the ribbon. Scientist brought out the squeaky toy and squeezed it encouragingly, but Charlie just yawned and lay down.

“Worn out already?” Scientist teased. He put the toys away and set the box aside. “Perhaps I can give my handsome kitty a good brushing before bed?”

Charlie perked up at the suggestion, so Scientist went to the bathroom and got a hairbrush, soft-bristled so it wouldn’t hurt Charlie’s skin. He sat on the bed next to Charlie who immediately climbed into his lap and tried to rub his cheek against the brush. 

“Easy,” Scientist laughed. He waited for Charlie to settle down before using the hairbrush on his beard, gently stroking with the grain. Charlie shut his eyes and purred his loudest yet, expression pure bliss, and Scientist felt an unexpected lump form in his throat. 

_He_ was the one making Charlie this happy. That was worth all the cat toys in the world.

“You’re so lovely,” he whispered, moving the brush to Charlie’s hair and brushing down the cowlicks. “My lovely little Charlie.”

He brushed Charlie’s skin, too, down his freckled arms and through the back of his shirt. Charlie became a limp weight in his arms and Scientist wondered if the man had fallen asleep. But when he stopped brushing, Charlie opened his eyes and meowed questioningly.

“Where else should I brush my handsome kitty?” Scientist asked, more to himself than anything.

Charlie climbed out of Scientist’s lap and made himself comfortable on the bed, his t-shirt riding up as he wriggled against the sheets. Clearly struggling not to smirk and break character, Charlie arched his back ever-so-slightly, an invitation for belly rubs.

“Oh, Charlie,” Scientist breathed, before remembering the context of their scene. He gently dragged the bristles along the pale strip of flesh above Charlie’s waistband. “What a good kitty you are,” he murmured approvingly, smoothing out a whorl of dark hair. “Letting me touch your belly… such a sweet, good boy.”

He watched Charlie’s eyes slide shut, his whole body relaxing into the mattress. Scientist leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on that warm, soft tummy.

He’d never risk that with a real cat, but Charlie just looked so _sweet_.

When he lifted his head, Charlie smiled at him and slipped off the cat ears.

Scientist sat up quickly. That was the agreed-upon signal to end the scene, but he hadn’t expected it so soon. It felt strange. “Oh… you’re done?”

Charlie nodded. “Seemed like a good place to stop,” he said quietly, voice rough. It sounded like the purring had irritated his throat. 

“Let me get you some water.” Scientist took the brush into the bathroom and filled a cup in the sink. It was grounding, having something to do, but he wasn’t sure what to make of Charlie’s expression when he returned. He had never seen the man so subdued. 

Charlie drained the cup in one go. “That’s better,” he sighed, sounding more like himself. He looked up at Scientist hopefully. “Do you think we can cuddle for a minute? I’ve got a lot of thoughts in my head and I need to sort them out.”

“Of course, darling. Take all the time you need.”

They cuddled in silence — a full-body hug, as Charlie liked to call it. Finally, the smaller man cleared his throat. “So, um… I don’t think I want to do that again.”

Scientist stiffened in surprise. “Was it me? Did I do something wrong? If you tell me what I did wrong, I can —“

Charlie pulled back enough to look Scientist in the eyes. “It wasn’t you, dude. You were awesome. And it wasn’t like I didn’t like being petted and fed and all that other stuff. But the whole time I was enjoying myself, part of me was wishing that I could still talk to you.”

Scientist ran a hand through Charlie’s hair reassuringly. “You can talk while you pretend to be a cat, Charlie. The rules are yours to make.”

“Yeah, but—“ Charlie sighed in frustration. “It’s not just that. There’s a whole bunch of shit that cats can’t do. And all the stuff we did tonight, we can do that while I’m a man and not a cat, right?”

“Certainly we c—“

“I mean, it’s kind of gay for a man to feed another man, but I’ve already stuck my dick in your—“

“ _Charlie_.”

“I’m just saying that I don’t need to wear cat ears to do that.” He smiled, expression clearing. “All those good feelings I got, they weren’t from being a cat. They were from being with _you_.”

Scientist’s breath hitched as he felt something warm and bubbly spread out from the center of his chest. He kissed Charlie on the lips, then on both cheeks for good measure. “You darling, darling boy. I love you.”

They cuddled for several long, blissful minutes, until Charlie started falling asleep. He whined as Scientist tried to disentangle himself from his grasp. “Where you going? It’s bedtime.”

“I still need to change into my pajamas and we both need to brush our teeth.” After all this time, it was still a struggle to get the man to follow daily dental hygiene.

Charlie made a face, then slapped the cat ears back onto his head. “Uh… meow? No speak English, can’t brush teeth! Meow!”

Scientist swiped the ears off Charlie’s head. “Even cats get their teeth brushed, on occasion.”

“Whaaat?” Charlie rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom. “I’m gonna look that up on Wikipedia later, man. That doesn’t sound right.”

Scientist looked down at the cat ears in his hands. It might be worth hanging onto them, if Charlie ever needed some heavy-duty grooming.

 


End file.
